Well, it’s time for another blog post, but guys, I won’t lie, it’s been a hard week. Let me quickly explain.
I have falling into a kind of funk, a bit of depression. The things I love to do most in life seem quite uninteresting to me. Nothing I think to do that will make me feel better works. Which is odd, I had a great Halloween weekend that I thought pulled me out of the funk, but it seems to be back.
Confession, I suffer with chronic insomnia. Which is quite a crux on my life. You’d be surprised how much sleep deprivation can affect your life. In our modern world, we often joke about lack of sleep, (examples are posted). We are too busy on the internet to sleep, how we joke we always want to sleep but never do,
But my condition is different. Imagine you shut off all your screens at 10pm, you put on soothing music or a calming nature sound. You’ve been busy at work all day, you worked out that morning and got up nice and early. You did a soothing stretch session before going to bed. You’ve had a soothing warm cup of milk. You read a good book. You’re sleepy and ready for bed.
You’d think you’d drop right off right? Not if you have my disorder, you sit there, cozy and happy, but sleep doesn’t come to join you. You then realize you’ve been sitting there doing nothing for five hours. That’s my disorder. That’s even if you do everything right, you don’t sleep, forget about the internet and other distractions. Hope that gives you a picture of what I’m really talking about.
When I fall prey to my insomnia, for whatever reason, I forget my pills, I am forced to break the cycle, whatever it is, I get depressed. Nothing in life is interesting. I want to sleep, but the nature of my disorder makes it very hard and, as I hope you know, people who are depressed are more tired and actually try to sleep more. So a cure actually is the cause and adds to the pain of my condition because I feel extra tired.
I don’t share this so you’ll feel bad for me. I share it so that you can understand you are not alone. Your depression may come from stress, maybe the after baby blues, it’s a chronic disorder, whatever causes it, you’re not alone. We’ve all been there.
Today’s blog is about hope even while facing depression. Depression isn’t just feeling sad all the time, though it is a feeling of sadness, it’s about feeling purposeless. It’s the emotional equivalent of watching grass grow, or worse, the seeds you just planted grow. You did all the work, but you feel nothing is happening as you watch. It feels pointless, empty, and yet you feel there is nothing else to do.
But truth is, if you keep up the hard word, the seed does grow, slow and steady, but it does grow. So how do we find hope in the meantime? Even I struggle with this sometimes, so I’ve collected a group of quotes and memes to try to help all of us out there struggling to feel just a bit better.
To see the full pictures, check out my pinterest. They’re under the “How to Find Hope” board. https://www.pinterest.com/RealRMDonaldson